


Through light and dark I fight to be so close

by Danni2906



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danni2906/pseuds/Danni2906
Summary: When Paddy is finding music for a bake sale, a song comes on shuffle making Aaron emotional.





	1. Playlist

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I have no idea what this is, I thought of it whilst falling in and out of sleep. It’s set in canon but I had no idea how to finish it. Great, so enjoy it, it’s not long. :)

Paddy had been assigned the with the task of finding music for the bake sale that they had organised to crowd fund for Leo’s TA. Chas, Aaron and Paddy had been standing around the bar as he’d been flicking through the music, laughing at all the suggestions Paddy would make as his music taste was… well, questionable. Jimmy and Nicola also had the occasional input because they’d been trying to sip their drinks in peace and the music changes had caught their attention.

“What about… Britney Spears?! You know, the whole hit me baby one more time?” Paddy sang as he searched for it on his phone that was connected to the docking station. Chas and Aaron knew this was a horrible idea but let him indulge it for their own entertainment.

_Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know…_

“Oh my God, Paddy! Just turn it off, that’s never happening. Give us the phone!” Chas exclaimed whilst Aaron nearly spat his beer out laughing.

“Mate, are you sure you can’t do any better than Britney?” Aaron asked between his laughter.

“Alright, alright!” Paddy had also seen how ridiculous his suggestion had sounded and cracked a smile, “so, what would you suggest?” Chas had been scrolling through the phone for a while.

_I feel good! I knew that wouldn’t have!…_

Chas began rocking out to one of her favourite artists James Brown, and Paddy joined in. They were both making an absolute fool of themselves and Aaron was rolling his eyes, at his Mum and ‘Dad’ wondering how he was blessed with these strange people as parents. They were still dancing to the tune when Robert walked in and slipped into a chair at the back watching the strange scene unfolding and wishing he had the right to be able to walk straight in and own the seat next to Aaron.

Robert knew Aaron hadn’t noticed him so he took the time to stare at his husband, take him all in. He missed Aaron. It was insane just how much. He missed the way Aaron kept his bed warm, he missed lazing around with him on the sofa, he missed running his hand through his thick curly hair. Watching him now felt nice, Aaron looked relaxed and happy, laughing at Chas and Paddy, who had now moved on to the air guitar, and thought back to the days that he could make Aaron that happy. Small moments that would count for eternity. Aaron looked good, although there was still a small sadness underneath the layer of serene happiness that he presented, that only Robert could see after these years of their relationship being so intense, Robert could read him easier than he could read the stats on his paperwork. Aaron had a stitch from laughing so much as the song came to an end and Chas and Paddy were trying to gain their breath back.

“You old gits” he muttered through his laughter. “You what?!” Paddy said, “you try dancing like that to a whole song—” he didn't get any further as Aaron’s face fell and the whole world turned into slow motion.

_When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case_.

Aaron felt tears pricking his eyes as he tried to look strong like the song hadn't bothered him. Robert felt like his heart had stopped as he thought back to the wedding when they’d both been at their happiest. Registering that this was what was going through Aaron’s head, he silently cursed shuffle for the worst song timing ever. Chas turned the music over to some cheesy pop music and looked at Aaron with a worried look.

“Aaron, love, sorry. Are you okay?” Chas asked, concerned.

“Yeah,” Aaron wheezed, “I’m fine, I’m just gonna go and get something from the back room.”

“Okay, love. You take the time…” She said as Aaron walked around the bar and into the back room. Jimmy and Nicola had been sat looking confused as to why the fun and games had stopped so abruptly, so Paddy and Chas walked over to them and told them why.

Robert saw their faces fall as he abandoned his chair swiftly to walk round the bar and into the back room unnoticed. Aaron walked into the back room and burst into tears, chest heaving as if all the oxygen in the world wouldn’t stop the agony that he felt. He couldn't breathe. He got a drink of water and put it on the table, as he calmed down slightly. Leaning with one hand on the back of a chair, Aaron fished his phone out of his pocket and opened his music. Hesitantly, he pressed play on a playlist that he’d left untouched since him and Robert had broken up. A playlist they’d made together that they had added music to continuously. Starting with Ghosts, the song they had added that they’d heard the morning after Aaron had spent his first night at Home Farm at easter. Aaron let the tears fall as he scrolled through the memories these songs held.

Robert stopped before he went in. The door was closed and music was playing. He recognised the song immediately. Opening the door, Robert saw Aaron with his back facing him, fully immersed in the music, so much that he hadn’t heard Robert come in. Robert walked up to him and snaked his hands around his waist. Aaron tensed at the surprising touch but relaxed as he realised who it was.

I _need you to help me through, I can't lay these ghosts to rest_

“Though I’m scared, and its gone, I know we tore the fence that faces” Robert whispered along with the song, Aaron doubled up in a new bout of tears.

“Rob, I can’t breathe”

“Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay, I’m here.” Robert whispered into his ear. Slowly Aaron turned around to face him.

“I miss you so much…” Aaron looked up at him with red, puffy eyes and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Robert. “Every time- Every time I see you, I wish I could do this.” he sobbed, with his face against Roberts chest. It was unimaginable how a hug could fix so much. But it did. Having Robert’s strong arms wrapped around him was the best feeling after such a long time of feeling empty. Robert had tears in his eyes as he felt their hearts beating the same rhythm and their bodies fitting perfectly together. Back where they belonged.


	2. Tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reunion (or Feb 2018) Aaron and Robert come to understand their undying love for each other and reunite in this cute little ficlet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's insanely risky to post this, but it's what I'm picturing for the reunion. Obviously I'll be happy with anything because ITS BEEN TOO LONG PEOPLE, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.

Aaron sat on his bed, staring at the other side. Each night was a drag, now that the other side was cold and untouched. Aaron didn't want to admit it, but there was a specific reason he wasn't moving faster with Alex. That side of the bed was not Alex's. Still, Aaron's mind wandered slowly to thinking about his boyfriend. A smile appeared lazily on his face thinking about the other night on the sofa when their limbs had been intertwined and Alex had spent a full night chatting to him about the one Top Gear episode he had actually enjoyed. The smile faded and he continued staring at the purple patterned duvet cover. 

_"Well, I like the colour." Robert looked at the duvet cover._

_"We're not getting a duvet cover that's rustly!" Aaron kept on._

_"It's_ not! _It's the same material as most other duvets. Here." Robert turned the packaging over to inspect the materials. Aaron shuffled closer and saw the price._

_"Rob, put it back. It's a right rip off!"_

Rob had argued his case and won Aaron over, not that it took an awful lot of persuading. All it took were the puppy dog eyes before Aaron had cracked and smiled goofily at his husband and Robert had known that Aaron would agree. Now, Aaron concentrated on the memory. Robert's lips moving, his eyes shining, his freckles begging to be kissed and noticed. The glow of the sun through the store window flooding in and tending to Robert's features, lighting them up delicately. Although the memory made his heart warm, Aaron didn't smile, he just kept concentrating, keeping the memory alive for just a while longer, until his eyes pricked with tears. He sighed heavily and turned away to look outside the window. 

The bushes shivered and the branches on the trees whipped in the wind. The whistle of it made Aaron glad that he was indoors, but he still felt the same cold, empty feeling spread through his body regardless of the fact that he was surrounded by warmth. It made him feel uncomfortable and on edge. He carried on staring out of the window.

_"God, you're a Grandad," Aaron said as Robert rolled his eyes in petty annoyance._

_"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Robert said trying to pump the mood._

_"Ok, but a walk? Of all things... Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you." Aaron got up and put his tracksuit on._

In retrospect, Aaron cursed that he'd been annoyed with Robert. Sitting on the bed with his hand on the duvet, Aaron would've given anything to go back to that day, everything had been right and had made sense. They'd argued about small things that had no meaning. The domestics of life that usually were dull, Robert had somehow managed to make exciting. The food fights, the arguments, the dinners, the breakfasts, the shopping trips. It had been better with Robert. That day had been perfect.  

_The sun peeked out over the horizon and the snow glistened as it landed covering the cricket pitch in a white blanket. It had seemed fitting that today was such a picturesque day, as if the world had been trying to tell Aaron that Robert was right._

_"Okay, would you rather... watch Top Gear or Rocky Balboa tonight?" Robert asked and Aaron laughed out loud._  Of course he'd name my favourites. _They'd made it to the woods and walked hand in hand, Robert enjoying the rare occasion that Aaron displayed PDA, especially on a cold day like today when he knew Aaron would want his hands in his pockets._

_"What's so special about today?!" Aaron said grinning, but looking slightly confused._

_"Nothing, I'm just feeling generous." Robert said and smiled back._

_Aaron had spent the rest of day teasing Robert about his_ _generosity and Robert had been brushing off Aaron's remarks with a shrug and smug smile. Secretly, they'd loved it and had entertained themselves that evening, sat in front of the television watching trash they'd found whilst flicking through the channels. Arms and legs tangled, Aaron shut his eyes and listened to the indistinct noise of the programme and felt Robert tracing a hand on his arm._

_"What shall we do this weekend?'" Robert asked lazily, still half engaged with the television. Aaron opened his eyes and sighed, adjusting himself to face Robert._

_"I don't know, what were you thinking?" Robert thought for a while, keeping his eyes on the screen, before answering._

_"We could go to the food festival in Hotten?" He said, still looking at the tv. "I'm kidding, you idiot." He looked at Aaron's frown and laughed._

Aaron felt a tear slide down his cheek recalling Robert's smile. He looked around the room, which felt empty and unfamiliar. He stared at the picture on the wall that they'd chosen to bring when they'd moved to the Mill and dragged his eyes over the few boxes that remained unmoved since he'd ended the relationship. He had spent a long time convincing himself that he'd done the right thing by going out with Alex and removing Robert from his love life. They'd said a vow of best friendship at the hospital at Christmas, Aaron shed another tear thinking about how daft he'd been to think that they'd be able to move past their relationship. Cast it off as if it was a phase. They'd been through too much. They were kidding themselves if they thought they'd be able to live in the same village and pass each other in the shop, saying the occasional hello and 'lets catch a pint and talk about life, eh?' Thinking about this overwhelmed him and brought a new set of emotions to the surface, confusion, desperation... desperation for the time where everything seemed simpler than it did now. Desperation for the time when no matter what happened, he'd have Robert to go through it with. Aaron furiously wiped his tears, angry that he was letting his thoughts wander to the pandora's box that he thought he'd closed. It had gotten increasingly worse over the past few weeks, as he'd reluctantly began rewriting the memories with Alex, and now, everything had come flooding back to him. The pandora's box had exploded. He stood up and stormed out of the room abruptly, stopping only to grab his jacket. He fled down the stairs and left the house with a slam of the door. 

Outside it was cold, and Aaron stopped momentarily to do up his puffer jacket. He didn't know where he was headed, but he knew he couldn't stay in a place where  _everything_ reminded him of Robert. It had been too long for him to still be tainted by the memories they had made, when even Robert had given the green light to move on. The anger at his weakness drove him forward towards the main street. It night sky was dark, not pitch black, but dark enough that the stars shone prominently, scattered across the sky like a thousand fireflies. Aaron walked on, a few loud laughs heard from the pub and TV's in the village cottages, blaring with the prime time programmes. 

_"Nope, not this trash again," Robert remarked, "I don't like this and you know that."_

_"Rob, please just give it a try. You don't know, you might actually like it." Aaron pleaded. He'd turned on the football as Robert had warmed his curry and the game was intense. Robert walked over to the fridge, opened it and grabbed a couple of cans of beer. He sighed, resignedly._

_"Fine, we'll watch until half time." Robert gave in. He side-eyed Aaron and saw his wide grin. He brought the curry and the beer around to the sofa and set it down in front of them on the coffee table. He sat down and lifted his legs to rest them on Aaron's lap. Aaron reached over his legs and, without taking his eyes off the football, picked the curry up and leant back, digging into the meal nonchalantly. Robert stared wide-eyed at Aaron and scoffed._

_"What?" Aaron asked mid-forkful._

_"That's mine." Robert replied, confused._

_"Oh. But you weren't eating it."_

_"You know I like my curry cool..." Robert trailed off. Aaron blinked and began laughing._

_"Okay then, I didn't realise you meant it." Aaron screwed his nose up and carried on eating._

_"Oi!" Robert sat up and grabbed his curry and Aaron burst into laughter, as Robert took a forkful of his curry._

_"Isn't it too hot for you, sir?" Aaron mocked, still laughing as he adjusted himself and crawled on top of Robert. He took the curry back and placed it on the coffee table halfheartedly, his full attention on Robert. He sat straddling Robert and leant down to kiss him_ _lightly on the lips, hands caressing his face, bringing it closer to him. Robert relaxed his hands on Aaron's hips, lifting his shirt up. In that second, a roar went up from the television and Aaron's head turned to see the commotion on the screen. A second later, he had leapt off of Robert and whooped with joy, running around their living space. Robert, who had been geared up in anticipation of Aaron dominance, now scoffed and rolled his eyes lightheartedly, a smile appearing on his face seeing the simple happiness that had been bought to his fiancé._  

The road was deserted and the streetlights lit Aaron's way. He kept walking, his pace increasing, with the mentality that walking faster would stop him thinking of Robert. He made his way across the bridge and towards the cricket pavilion. This was how his life had been since he let Robert go, but it had never gotten this bad. His ache for Robert, usually a dull constant in the pit of his stomach, was spreading to his heart and had begun attacking his main organs. The desperation to be in his arms again, inhaling his scent, was indescribable. With the desperation came the chip on Aaron's shoulder, raging and telling him that he was being irrational, that he had Alex and Alex was nice and good for him. Nice. Such a boring adjective. And yet in all the four months they'd been dating, Aaron couldn't find a better fit. Says it all really. Aaron had reached an abandoned tunnel railway on the outskirts of Emmerdale, where trains used to pass through when it had been more of a thriving village. He stopped abruptly, catching his breath and looked around. The tunnel railway was dimly lit with a streetlight that was losing its power. Aaron walked towards the railway tracks, kicking rocks underneath him, wondering what he was doing here. It had been spitting on his walk and the droplets had begun to get heavier, an indication to Aaron that he should head back before he got caught in it. 

Then he heard a crunch of gravel come from the other side of the tracks and he stood still, listening intently to the sounds beyond his vision. Another crunch. And this time, he could make out a figure in a dark sailor coat. Aaron's blood rushed through his body crazily as he realised who it was. The rain landed on his head frequently, but Aaron paid no attention. One word swum round his head like a fish in a tank.  _Robert_. 

***

Robert sat in the taxi, watching the grey clouds blur together as they sped down the country lanes. 

Robert was nonchalant, minding his step as he came down the weedy gravel that lead to the railway tracks. He looked up at the sky in annoyance as his coat had no hood, but he didn't mind because it had kept him warm. The tunnel railway was dimly lit with a streetlight that was losing its power. Robert cursed silently at whoever was in charge of fixing it. He looked up towards the railway to gauge how far he'd come and stopped dead in his tracks. He felt as though the air had been knocked out of him. One word entered his head.  _Aaron_. 

"Hey. Um, everything okay?" Robert asked, dumbfounded. 

"Yeah," Aaron replied in a daze, "Yeah, no, what were you doing back... back there?" he pointed to the darkness behind Robert. 

"Oh, I got a taxi back from Hotten. The traffic was horrible, so I decided to walk back, take the shortcut..." Robert replied nodding a little. 

"So... how's..." Aaron cursed himself for even beginning to say 'how's life?', "you know, I should probably go. Liv's probably wondering where I am." He was having to raise his voice slightly because the rain had been getting heavier. Robert started towards him.

"Don't. I mean, stay." He walked slowly towards him and Aaron felt the desperation and all the other emotions rise in synchronisation within him. A tear escaped and Robert was by his side in a heartbeat. 

"I hate this, Rob. You're everywhere I go. We promised that we were gonna live together at least till we're eighty and now look?! It's all fallen apart-" 

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on? I thought things were fine with you and Alex?" 

"But that's just it. They are  _fine._  And that's all they'll ever be." Aaron remarked regretfully.

"Wait, what? But maybe you should just give it some time?" Robert replied.

"Rob, how long have me and Alex been dating?" The words stung Robert, but he tried to keep himself fully composed.

"Four months and 5 days." He looked down and Aaron was taken aback that he'd known.  _He thought he'd been the only one counting._

"... exactly, and yet it's gone nowhere." The rain pattered down on them and Robert shuffled closer.

_"Hey." Aaron whispered softly. The sun peeked through the crack of the curtain and shone brightly through the room. Robert stirred and a slow lazy smile appeared on his face as he opened an eye._

_"Hey." Robert murmured and ran a hand through Aaron's damp hair, "you look so good with wet hair."_

_"You can't see me, Rob" Aaron laughed, "your eyes are closed."_

_"Yeah, but.. I can feel it."_

They were inches apart and the rain kept beating, the only thing between them was water. 

"You can't do this to me, Aaron. You don't understand how hard it was before." Robert said quietly. 

"I do. I felt it- I feel it everyday. I thought I did the right thing but if this is what the right thing is, then I don't wan'it anymore, because I can't keep seeing you everywhere but not- not having you." Aaron replied resignedly. 

Robert looked at him with hunger in his eyes that agreed in every way to what Aaron had said. They stood in silence and slowly Robert came closer to Aaron and pulled him in by the waist. Aaron gently stroked his arms and looked up as the raindrops landed on his head. Robert hugged his waist tighter and Aaron moved his arms up to Robert's neck. They took all the time in the world to take each other in. To hold each other again. The light shone above them dimly and the rain trickled through Roberts hair, dampening it. Aaron runs his hands through Roberts hair.

"I've never stopped." Robert whispers and leans in. The rain between them gets heavier and Aaron deepens the kiss, sliding Aaron's lips apart, tongues intertwining and soon, both are unaware of the rain, or their surroundings and the light that shined above them, just each other and the depths of their love. As they came apart, Aaron opened his eyes and smiled. 

"Neither have I."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this! Basically, I know a lot of people were against the idea of Aaron cheating but my idea is very in-the-spur-of-the-moment-they-cant-keep-their-hands-off-each-other so please forgive me ;) I hope you enjoyed xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, if you want me to do a continuation of this, I can do because I have a couple of ideas. THANKS FOR READING IT MEANS A LOT!!


End file.
